Dr Volshca
by LoverOfTheSnowHairedAngel
Summary: What would happen if Kai got the psycological help he's always needed. Random insanity and a very weird and annoying psychologist. language
1. Poor Kai

LOTSHA: hey everybody I know I'm supposed to be writing other fics but... I had to take a break from serious stuff and write this little series I thought of anyways it's called Dr. Volshca its complete Parody  
  
Jou: oh dear  
  
LOTSHA: don't worry Jou you're not in it... yet. Anyways I just have a few things to say  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade, Yugioh, Cardcaptors, Ranma ½ or any other anime I bring into this, I do not own Hakaru Yamoto, Toraneko or Elsbeth they belong to my friend Tiger as they are her many alter egos, I do however own RJ, Sere and all fanarts of them I have chibis of RJ and Sere, and I do somewhat own Dr. Volshca who is well my best friend hyped up on sugar messing around with Norwegian and French accents  
  
Summary: What would happen if Kai finally got the psychological help he desperately needs? Random insanity and a very weird and annoying psychologist.  
  
Warnings: mentioned yaoi, extreme insanity, extreme sarcastic and sexual remarks, mild swearing (mostly bleeped out), extreme character bashing and a lot of out of characterness  
  
LOTSHA: anyways let's get to the story  
  
***Dr. Volshca***  
  
Kai was waiting in the waiting room with the rest of the BladeBreakers when the receptionist called "Kai Hiwatari? You can go in now."  
  
Kai walked through the door to be greeted by the doctor, "'ello Kai I am Doxtor Volshca pleaze zit douwn." Kai sat down, "Now do you know vhy you are 'ere?" Kai nodded,  
  
"To get through some issues I have"  
  
"And zese issues are about your grandfazer?" he nodded again "vhat do you zee vhen I zay ze vord grandfazer?"  
  
"I don't know I don't know what a normal grandfather is like." He said.  
  
"Vell vhat is your grandfazer's name?" she asked writing something down.  
  
"Voltaire," he answered shuddering.  
  
"And vhat do you zee vhen I say Voltaire?" Kai didn't say anything he just curled up in a fetal position. "ah now ve are gettink somevhere." She scribbled more down on her notepad.  
  
"You are a-fraid of your grandfazer yesh" Kai glared  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"Vhy are you a-fraid of zour grandfazer?" Kai whimpered slightly but said nothing. "hmmm and vhy do you zink 'e does not like zou? Do zou dizzapoint 'im a lot?"  
  
"I don't wanna talk about it."  
  
"Vell zat is vhy you're 'ere iz eat not?" she wrote more down on her notepad.  
  
"I said I don't wanna talk about it."  
  
"vine ve vill not talk about eat. Now your freendz 'ow do you feel about zem?"  
  
"They're ok I suppose" he shrugged.  
  
"no tenshion? No probzems?"  
  
"Besides them being annoying no."  
  
"Hmmm," she wrote something down again, "vell Kai I vould like to zee you ageen tomorrow iz zat o-key?"  
  
"I guess," Kai got up and left he told him friends nothing had been resolved yet so he went back the next day and she asked the same sort of questions than when he was about to leave the doctor spoke up,  
  
"Kai?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Vell I vould like to zee you tomorrow but I vould like you to brink your freends zo I can zee 'ow you eenteract vith zem." She stated.  
  
"umm ok I guess." So Kai left and the next day he came back with the BladeBreakers in tow.  
  
"So exactly why are we here again?" they asked the doctor.  
  
"you are 'ere zo I can zee 'ow you all eenteract vith eachuzer."  
  
"Um ok," they all sat down.  
  
"Vell it zeems zat Kai is a-fraid of his grandfazer you knew zis yes?"  
  
"sort of yeah," Ray said.  
  
"Good, vell lets get started yes?" they all nodded. "Vell vhat vould you say is your reelationzip vith Kai?"  
  
"We get along ok I guess as long as we don't bug him," they replied  
  
"Ah zo zere ease tenshion," she scribbled something down, "now could eat be zexual tenshion?"  
  
"WHAT!!!!!!!!!!" they yelled.  
  
"Vell ease eat?"  
  
"Hell no lady you're crazy." Yelled Tyson jumping up.  
  
"No I em not I em just ekspolring your reelationzip"  
  
"Well we're not gay lady!!!" Tyson yelled.  
  
"You are" she stated simply looking straight at Tyson.  
  
"WHAT!!!" he yelled going red in the face.  
  
"Vell everyvne knows you are gay vith Max." she said.  
  
"WHAT everyone who?" Tyson said looking around at his friends ready to pound them.  
  
"Tyson," whimpered Max eyes wide and full of tears  
  
"not your freendz ze fanz vatching ze T.V. show"  
  
"What T.V. show?" they all asked. She pointed to the computer screen where the authoress sat at the desk typing away and talking to her insane friends on msn.  
  
"what the hell, we've gone insane" Tyson yelled he started running around the room screaming. Ray looked at the screen and said,  
  
"Haven't I seen her somewhere?" points at authoress still typing away.  
  
"Yesh you 'ave she wrote ze fan fic Forgotten Past." She said grinning evilly.  
  
"But that fic was normal what's with this?" Ray asked confused.  
  
"I zink she got into ze sugar." Said the doctor  
  
"Oh kami save us all," he said. LOTSHA looks up from her conversation with her friends, and suddenly disappears than appears in the room hugging her laptop to her chest.  
  
"Hahahahahahahahaha, I love being insane hey Gramma, Kat, DRSA, Tiger, come join me ahahahahahahahaha." Her crazy friends appear in the room, Tiger immediately starts running around the room screaming her lungs out.  
  
"Hey we've seen some of these people before haven't we?" asked Kenny.  
  
"Yeah," said LOTSHA grinning. "Tiger wrote the story with Hakaru Yamoto, DRSA and I wrote Snowvicious with the help of Gramma, and well Kat introduced us to Ranma." Tiger stops screaming and comes over to talk.  
  
"Hi Dr. V" she said to the doctor "I have a psychiatrist too she said I wasn't insane but than I just had to go and prove her wrong they say I'm beyond help, but maybe that's because I once chased one of my psychiatrists around the entire building because she had marshmallows. And once while I was waiting to see the psychiatrist I build a tower and a police man said it was a big tower and I grinned at him than smashed it with a hammer." She giggled insanely and went to talk with Tyson who was currently banging his head against a wall.  
  
"Gramma's insane too see she talks about self in the third person." Gramma snickered insanely. "Gramma like talk to self."  
  
LOTSHA and Kat laughed "Gramma like talk like Shampoo,"  
  
"Shampoo talk fun," Gramma stated.  
  
"Umm LOTSHA think Dr.Volshca would like get back to therapy session now." LOTSHA stated.  
  
"Yesh I vould like to get back to ze session now." LOTSHA and her friends disappeared. "Now vhere vere ve. Ah yesh Tyson pleaze zit douwn now."  
  
"No way, we should go she's just going to make things worse." Tyson yelled.  
  
"I zink ze reason Tyson vants to leave zo bad ease because he vants to go 'ave some vun vith Max." she turns to Max who is currently looking wide- eyed and scared. "You vould like nothink more vould you not Max, I can zee it in your eyez you 'ave atleast 'ad zex with 'im xix times yesh? Or iz it more zeh zat?"  
  
"How did you know than- I mean no." Max squealed.  
  
"I make zure I know everythink about my victims- I mean patients." She said. "And you Ray you are zleeping vith somevone are you not? Mariah yesh? Ze pink-haired slut."  
  
"WHAT! Mariah is not a slut you bitch shut the @#$% up." Ray yelled jumping to his feet. Just than the door burst open and in came the White Tigers obviously looking to find out what was taking so long.  
  
"Ray what's taking so long? I thought this was supposed to be a short session." Asked Mariah.  
  
"So did I Mariah, but this doctor is crazy."  
  
"Ah zo zis iz ze slut, vhat is vith ze ears girl you are not an animal, or are you I jould ask Ray zat question he vould probably know zan again I bet every ozer man vould probably know too." Dr. V said.  
  
"You stupid bitch, how dare you call me a slut I outta wring your neck you @#$%ing cunt." Mariah yelled.  
  
LOTSHA and her friends appear, Tiger immediately continues running around screaming and banging her heads on walls, DRSA snickering at Mariah "Now, now Mariah there is no need to get so upset."  
  
"Fuck monkeys, no need get upset freaky hair girl." Said Gramma. "Pink scare Gramma"  
  
"Yeah no reason get all upset." Said Kat imitating Gramma.  
  
LOTSHA turns to the readers and says, "With friends like these it's a wonder any of my stories turn out normal at all." Jounouchi pops in and nods empathetically agreeing.  
  
"I'm just glad she's done torturing me for a while."  
  
"Oh I'm not half done with you Jou-chan!!" LOTSHA purrs and starts chasing Jou around the room carrying her trusty mallet of doom.  
  
"Humph and she thinks we're weird." Said Gramma, Kat, DRSA and well Tiger's still out of it and is wildly conversing with thin air.  
  
"I saw what you wrote, I'm talking to Yukito my Shrome, he's mine all mine ahahahahahahahaha you can't have him he's mine." She said.  
  
"We mean come on sure it's fun to torture Jounouchi-chan but is that and moon over her favorite anime characters that she know she could never have all she does?" they asked.  
  
"I could have than, and they are mine I have a button on my page on our site that says Kai's mine two of them in fact now all I need is a few more to claim a few more of my favorite characters. I will have them all ahahahahahahahahah." Laughs maniacally and continues glomping Jou with her trusty mallet.  
  
"umm yeah I think she's just about done now she's kinda out of it herself so we'll end the fist segment of Dr. Volshca for her and you can all just hope than Jounouchi is still alive by the next segment." Her friends said.  
  
"So if you like LOTSHA's very first parody that she wrote on her own Review if you don't review anyway, well tune in for the next segment to see what happens to anime characters as they are given therapy whether they need it or not." Said DRSA.  
  
To be continued...  
  
LOTSHA*has finally calmed down sort of* so how did you all like my parody. *breathless*  
  
Jou*nursing his head, LOTSHA caught up with him*  
  
Casts of LOTSHA's favorite animes*all laughing at poor Jou*  
  
LOTSHA: oh yeah you may have noticed that for the most part I've changed and used the Japanese names for people mostly Jou because I've just learned just how crappy the frigging dubbers really are. Burn in hell @#$%ing Dubbers. I will continue to use their Japanese names in all my other fics.  
  
Anyways REVIEW OR MY INSANITY GOES FORGOTTEN 


	2. I Need Your Help

In order to continue this story I'm asking fans to tell me who should Dr. Volshca torture next? Here are some of the anime series and characters I know really well are.  
  
Beyblade- Kai, Rei, Takao (Tyson), Max, Kenny, Tala, Bryan Spencer, Ian, Mariah, Lee, Gary, Kevin, Robert Enrique, Oliver, Johnny, Mr. Dickison, Tyson's Grampa etc.  
  
Yugioh- Yugi, Yami, Kaiba, Jounouchi, Anzu, Honda, Ryou, Bakura, Malik, Marik, Pegasus, Mokuba, etc.  
  
Sailor Moon- Usagi, Rei, Ami, Makoto, Minako, Haruka, Michiru, Hotaru, Setsuna, Mamoru, Chibi Usa, Seiya, Yaten, Taiki, etc  
  
Cardcaptor Sakura- Sakura, Tomoyo, Shaolan, Meilin, Touya, Yukito, Rika, Chiharu, Eriol, Takashi, Naoko, etc  
  
Inuyasha- Inuyasha, Kagome, Sango, Miroku, Shippou, Kikyo, Kagura, Sesshomaru, Jaken, Rin, Kouga, Myoga etc  
  
Ranma ½ - Ranma, Akane, Shampoo, Ryouga, Nabiki, Kasume, Kuno  
  
Digimon- series 1- Taichi(Tai), Yamato(Matt), Izumi(Izzy), Joe, Hikari(Kari), Takeru(TK), Mimi, Sora, series 2- Daisuke(Davis), Iori (Cody), Miyako(Yolei), Ken etc.  
  
Books series  
  
Animorphs  
  
Harry Potter  
  
Cartoon Series  
  
Daria  
  
Hell just name one for cartoon what don't I know*grins evilly* just please no sponge bob square pants he scares me. 


End file.
